dreamer.

well i am a dreamer... i am the one that plans out everything perfectly in her head, and believes that, how she thought is how it is going to be.

i am in the waiting.

i am relying.

i am trusting.

but why does my desire seem so far away. i have been through a lot, my heart is on my sleeve. i am anticipating good things, yet having a hard time thinking they will happen.

God has seemed very far from me, and my desire to seek him out just has not been there.

Monday night husband and I watched Father of Lights and it changed my attitude, my feeling. God is so real and he is in the waiting. He is in the waiting for me! I knew then I need to put everything back on him, I was getting tired.

I want to be in fully surrender to him, recklessly abandoned. I started reading a book, that we have had for a while. I love it when God has you get things but then they don't interest you until the moment He knows you need to hear it!

I was feeling good, the sun was shining and I knew that where ever God took me, I was ready.

but then unexpectedly i felt like i was knocked to the ground.

I was in shock. I didn't know what to think. I just cried.

I know God has a plan and I am going to walk out in Faith. My emotions and feelings might be out of whack for a little bit, but I have a Daddy who can give me peace and can be strong while i am weak.

Its like the footsteps poem-

                                  The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints,

is when I carried you."

God is carrying me now. And i can take comfort in that.

I am thankful for what I do have, for my husband, my mentor Faith, my lovingly positive sister and my family.

Thank you Jesus for being so FAITHFUL! I have nothing to fear.