Life is a Journey

It seems I have been on a road with lots of turns, and detours, bumps and hills!

A lot as been thrown at me lately my mentor and Aunt had a baby boy on Fathers Day- and oh my he is precious! He was having complications and was in the hospital for 10 days... during that time I went to help with her girls and got to spend some time with Josiah, my new little buddy, and my Aunt Faith.

 

Even though it was a hard week, Faith encouraged me so much! She fully put her trust in God, and knew without a shadow of a doubt that no matter what the outcome was that God was in control and had a plan. Josiah was diagnosed with Downs Syndrome, they said it will be slight... He is breast feeding very well, and the doctors are amazed how well he is doing!


I am so thankful for my family! They are great reminders on how constant God is!!





Now my other bumps have been personal....Going to my new doctor has been a big learning experience...I am learning all about what your body should be doing every month and how mine is different! They had to cancel my last cycle because I went from not any mature follicles to having an over and abundance of follicles! Thats how God works right :) They were worried they would all turn into eggs and that I could have high risk multiple pregnancies so we are back to square one, but I am excited about what is to come, I was a little sad at first...But I know God's timing is perfect, and while I might be getting help from Doctor's its God's hand ultimately that will move!

I think about all the times I had wished I was pregnant, like I really wanted to be pregnant with Faith! I thought that would be so awesome, but I am thankful I wasn't having a baby or 9 months pregnant when she was having Josiah, I am thankful I got to leave my life at home for 6 days and go down there to help!!


Another thing that is on my heart right now is little Nora Rose she was diagnosed with Trisomy 18- and just turned 73 days old :) God has his hand on this little girl! Her parents just got an updated diagnoses on her lungs though... Please pray with me that God would continue to touch this little girl!

Bridge over Troubled waters

Well, its been a rough week... filled with hope, then disappointment. But God is looking out! I have been deeply comforted and encouraged through worship and the people he has placed in my life. I am so very thankful that God has my back and that there is nothing I need to fear.

my lil Fedor giving me some loving comfort

I know God has a plan and I want his plan to be my plan. I want to live a life of his Calling! We will be having some changes happen in the next couple of weeks that some would call radical or crazy...but God doesn't lead us to be comfortable he wants us to be willing to do what he wants and when he wants us to do it! Husband and I know this and are seeking him and believing for big things!

I left off last post with our beginning journey of trying to get pregnant... Both Matt's and my desire is to be parents- to raise our children to know God and his amazing love for us and to develop their own relationship with him.

So its been a long year- with the desire always there at the forefront.

After that "false-positive" we started to actively seek answers. I started going to an OBGYN, that I will not name... it was a bad experience :( I went on Clomid and hated every minute of it, it made me feel so funny and i would get hot flushes all the time, you would think i was going through menopause... it was bad and i stayed on that for about 5 months with absolutely nothing! And from what the doctor could tell was that i had not ovulated at all.... so in November i really felt I didn't want to go to the OBGYN anymore and i for sure did not want to take the stupid CLOMID! so we took a break... and i would get my cycle randomly, and all the time wishing that this would be my last period. I started taking herbal supplements which i was excited for cause i will always look for the most natural way....

So when nothing was really happening and i was not being consistent I went back to my family doctor who i have not seen since that heart wrenching day. We talked and it was really good- I was feeling more at peace with everything- that year had been a long journey and God really used it to help me grow and understand more about his character, and i am very very thankful for that!

She suggested I go to a Fertility Specialist- she said they would be able to run more tests and pinpoint the problem- so she set us up with a doctor in Grand Rapids who also has and office in Lansing a couple days of week.

Let me tell you they have been a breath of fresh air! Our first meeting went really well and they put us on a plan... and thats where we are now.

I will fill in more details later, I really want to talk about what God did through me in that year and how it has helped me!

More to come! <3

trying to look for the sunshine.

if you were to look at my life- you would think I had it all together- that everything was perfect happiness.

what you would not know is that I am a jealous person, that I have a very hard time staying encouraged and that i struggle daily to spend time with my Creator.

sounds kind of normal, right? things we all have a tendency to deal with-

what you would not know is that I have been trying to be a mommy for about 2 years- with obviously no avail.

Its a long story filled with emotion, and numbness, disappointment and regret. Its also filled with hope, and hopelessness, joy and joylessness.

I have learned many life altering lessons through this trial. And although I do not always stay encouraged I know that my Comforter is always there, with arms wide open.

 Now i feel its time to share our journey...

It all started a long time ago when i was not having "normal" periods- never really gave it much thought- was diagnosed with PCOS- but with no other symptoms just abnormal menstrual cycles.

Got engaged- started thinking more seriously about it- Knew i wanted to have some "alone time" with my husband before kids. Got married and I went on BC for about a year and then decided in June of 2010 to stop taking it knowing that my body was not "normal" so i wanted to give it time before we seriously considered having children.

Well I didn't have a cycle until about 6-7 months later- and then they started coming every 2 weeks. Wait, WHAT! Numerous doctors appt later, ended me in February of 2011 about to go in yet again to see what was going on. I spent some time praying and I just had this feeling today is the day. But not wanting to walk away disappointed I kept telling myself i am not pregnant.

Went in everything looked normal, they had me to a urine test and wait what was that, it came back... Positive?? Are you sure? I was in utter shock- i just stared at my doctor. She was very excited for me and so was my nurse- i was in heaven! It was a beautiful sunny day, we just put an offer in on our first house! Perfection, right?!
Since I had been spotting they wanted me to get my blood work done and to go have an ultrasound. Scheduled all that with time to go and tell my husband at work - I was so excited. I have always dreamed about this moment- when i get to announce that I am pregnant and tell the one who is going to get to share on this wonderful journey!
So I went into Matt's office and he was very concerned because he had no idea why I had come to see him and thought it could be bad news...
When i told him he was very happy- he immediately tried to think of when we could tell other people and how we would! We were excited!
Then it was on to me ultrasound- we were going to see our baby for the first time and before the "normal" time! We will have a picture to go with our good news!

I am laying on the table now, nervous, Matt is beside me- and we are waiting- she is checking everything else first my ovaries, my lining...then another nurse comes in to look at the baby, she is moving around but not showing us anything. I am getting really nervous now, why isn't she saying anything. I understood that the baby would be really small we really did not know how far along i was. "Well", she says in a very matter of fact way... "How far a long did you say you were?" Umm i didn't, we don't know. "Well, I don't see anything, are you sure you had a positive pregnancy test"? (Wabam, smack right in the face.) Umm, yes they just need to know how far a long I am. "I will send these to your doctor, but we don't see anything." Oh, ok thanks for being so considerate lady, urgh. I was crushed, I knew I still had the blood work to come back, so Matt and I started praying- we wanted it to be true so bad!!

We went home, crushed and feeling very sad, it was hard not to. I waited for the call from my doctor which came right before 5pm. "Amber, I am sorry. Your levels are not high enough to support a pregnancy, and with your ultrasound results, it seems to be like you had a false positive. We will wait and have your blood work done next week to make sure, but I am sorry dear. It looks like we were wrong."
After that i cried and laid on the couch cuddled with my husband and puppy- i was devastated! We called off our plans that we had been scheming on how to tell our family and friends.
Matt was very encouraging- and we still had a small glimmer of hope and boy did I hope! I really believed that i was pregnant so maybe it just was to early!
The next blood test came and no. The levels were still low not supportive of a pregnancy.


...More to come... I am having a hard time writing it all out...

XOXO

Life lately, According to my iPhone

Getting Crafty

Well my sister Autumn and I had our first craft show this last weekend! It was fun- not a good venue but we had a good time, and with it being our first we learned a lot!

AND we opened our etsy account!! http://www.etsy.com/people/sweetsistersshoppe
We are pretty excited :)

Yarn Wreaths and Headbands!!





Nothing for Dinner

So this past week we have need to go grocery shopping and for some reason never went... i know i know we were being LAZY!

Well so last night after going out to dinner for 3 nights in a row! I decided to collect what I had to work with and see what I could come up with...

It was a little daunting- this is my ingredients: Cauliflower, Kale, Diced tomatoes, Fresh Mozzarella and mushrooms (left over from the other night). Umm lets see Asparagus...

Steamed the Cauliflower
Sauteed the Mushrooms
Mixed Diced Tomatoes, Nutritional Yeast, Cumin, Garlic, Fresh Cloves, Fresh Basil, little dash of Cayenne- then added the mushrooms after they were finished with some chopped up Kale
Sauteed the Asparagus and a little bit of Cauliflower

Put the cauliflower on the bottom, added sauce, added a piece of mozzarella, topped with asparagus and more cauliflower!

It was very good, and very filling! I was pretty happy and can't wait to make it again! :) 

Goodbye May

somethings that caught my attention this past month:

Beautiful and Inspiring Photography

Vegan Recipes- Found the dessert secetion mouth watering!!

Cute Swimsuites

Amazing blog of unconditional love

XOXO